The Cupcake Agenda

I know that popular culture these days suggests that pretty soon vampires will be walking the Earth & there will be a zombie apocalypse. Popular culture also suggests that this will be the end of the human race.

Well, I digress. A zombie apocalypse or vampire outbreak won’t be the end of the human race. And the end of the human race isn’t something that is going to happen a few years from now; there is no want for an epidemic to break out. The ‘End’ has already started. We might not see it, we might not even realize that something so seemingly harmless (in a manner of speaking) could cause the end of the human race, but it will.

Ladies & gentlemen, I’m talking about nothing other than the plague that has taken over our fancy so suddenly, I am talking about …. (Drumroll) …. CUPCAKES!

YES! The immense amount of cupcakes littering the internet right now is mind-boggling. Every other person with an oven and access to the internet ergo a recipe site has decided to start baking and selling these menacing little delights. And the lazy people with access to the internet and no intentions of moving their own asses to the kitchen are blindly liking the ever-increasing-in-numbers Facebook pages and ordering cupcakes for their friends and family.

Like fat people needed any more motivation to not bother dragging themselves to the gym. “What’s the use?” they say, “We’ll end up stuffing ourselves with those delicious cupcakes –insert name here- bought off the internet and gain the pounds right back.”

But NO! Fat people, you must not fall for this! You MUST go to the gym! This is merely an agenda formulated by all the skinny people in the world to create enough zombie bait so that they may outrun the fat people and maybe human race might survive …. for a while.

I, being a member of the Global Morbidly Obese Community, vow to start going to the gym, so that the skinny people’s agenda may blow up in their faces. For if there is to be a zombie apocalypse, the human race will survive it all together as one or we’ll all just die to make way for the new species of highly intellectual beings to take over the planet.

All for and one for all – but after I’ve had my last chocolate centered cuppie cake. (nom nom nom)